The Perfect Day For Her
8:15 A.M. Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8:30 A.M. Weigh in five pounds lighter than yesterday.
8:45 A.M. Breakfast in bed: freshly-squeezed orange juice and
croissants. Open presents: expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful
partner.
9:15 A.M. Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10:00 A.M. Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 A.M. Facial, manicure, shampoo, blow-dry.
12 noon Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
12:45 A.M. Catch sight of husband's/boyfriend's ex and notice she has gained twenty pounds.
1:00 P.M. Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
3:00 P.M. Nap.
4:00 P.M. Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer.
4:15 P.M. Light workout at club, followed by massage from strong but
gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
5:30 P.M. Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe: parade before full-length mirror.
7:30 P.M. Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
10:00 P.M. Hot shower (alone).
10:50 P.M. Carried to bed (freshly ironed, new, crisp white linen).
11:00 P.M. Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11:15 P.M. Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
The Perfect Day For Him
6:00 A.M. Alarm.
6:15 A.M. Blow job.
6:30 A.M. Massive satisfying dump while reading sports section.
7:00 A.M. Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, cooked and
served by naked buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler.
7:30 A.M. Limo arrives.
7:45 A.M. Several beers en route to airport.
9:15 A.M. Flight in personal Learjet.
9:30 A.M. Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en route).
9:45 A.M. Play front nine, two under.
11:45 A.M. Lunch: hamburger, fries and coke, three beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
12:15 P.M. Blow job.
12:30 P.M. Play back nine holes of golf course, four under.
2:15 P.M. Limo back to airport (several bourbons).
2:30 P.M. Fly to deserted fishing hole.
3:30 P.M. Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude, who frequently bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4:30 P.M. Catch world record Marlin (1,234 pounds) on light tackle.
5:00 P.M. Fly home; massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over... naturally).
6:45 P.M. Shit, shower and shave.
7:00 P.M. Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; porn legalized.
7:30 P.M. Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy steak followed by ice-cream served on big pair of tits.
9:00 P.M. Napoleon Brandy and Cuban cigar in front of wall-size TV as
you watch your favorite football team win decisive victory.
9:30 P.M. Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies... some bending over.
11:00 P.M. Massage and jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale.
11:30 P.M. Nightcap blow job.
11:45 P.M. In bed alone.
11:50 P.M. A twenty-two-second fart that changes note four times and forces dog to leave room
- Gene Simmons
