How it is, being me. It's like trying to catch your breath in a free fall trying to breath under water swimming in space your head spinning your heart racing your mouth dry as the desert your hands wet, more by the second your mouth screaming, without sound an explosion, but can't hear a sound uncontrollable shaking hot, then cold and icing always dark, always too bright, never dark enough there's no middle, nor beginning nor end There's only the free fall, in the dark, and the pain, there's always the pain... but then, there are always the tears, flowing down like hot, searing lava working it's way down my face. The tears brings the judgement, the guilt, the shame, the "I could have done it better" If only i was faster, stronger, listended more... did it better. And i cry in my solitude, thinking NOONE can understand ME. Today is a new day, i hope noone sees my lava-tears as they singe my cheeks..